My Fears of Blogging

My first post here was on 26th December 2019 – Let’s Get Personal (Financially). When I started out, I was so determined to have a proper blog that I invested some ringgit to have a proper domain name, figuringgitout.com. It was a huge step for me and I was like that’s it, I’m going to be a blogger that blogs consistently at a proper schedule. I even have my own Facebook page for Figuringgitout. I was that serious.

Fast forward to 8 months now, ah- who am I kidding?! I don’t blog as often as I would like to. I don’t go on Facebook as often as I should. I reply to comments ages after that. And if not because of my mandatory no-buy year updates, I wouldn’t even post for some months.

Where did my spirit in December go?

Fears and Self-Doubt

Sometime last month in July, I came across this podcast The Perfectionism Project by Sam Laura Brown in which there was one episode where she shared her troubles when she started her blog back in 2013. She was initially pumped up to start her own blog but once she created the site, she didn’t post anything for 3 months. And she explained her fears and self-doubts and I was like – hey, thank God I’m not alone! That’s me you’re talking about. That’s me!

At that point of time, my last three posts were my no-buy year updates for April, May and June. Nothing else. I also didn’t open my Facebook page for a month or so. The fears that I have crippled me to the point that I wouldn’t even be on Facebook or go on my favourite financial blogs because I just don’t want to be reminded of my post-less blog.

I guess you would understand me if you’re a beginner blogger as well, or if you’ve passed the beginner level – I have one question, did you have fears and self-doubt back then? Send help please.

Anyway, after listening to that podcast, I was inspired to get back to figuringgitout. But first of all, my fears need some analysis so that I can work on tackling those fears.

Before that, Excuse Me…

Because I always have excuses on why I don’t blog much. My grandest excuse is usually that I don’t have enough time. My job is already time consuming and mentally taxing that I don’t have time and energy and brainpower to blog.

But in reality…

My Blogging (or Blocking?) Fears

1) I feel vulnerable

I realized from the beginning that blogging about personal finance, MY personal finance, would be tricky. If you know me, I’m quite a private and reserved person. So of course to talk about my financial life online, especially when I’m in this poor condition (not literally), is a bit too much for me. I feel exposed and vulnerable. Although I’m anonymous, I’m scared people in real life would find me.

2) I feel timid

I follow many financial bloggers who are smart and have their financial life in order. Funny thing is two or three even follow me that I become so self-conscious every time I share something. You know I haven’t gotten this whole thing figured out and to have them read my posts… *shudders*.

P/s: On this note, special shoutout to my favourite Ringgit Oh Ringgit, Suraya Zainudin – the first one to acknowledge my existence and share my posts to her followers and encourage me every time I post something. Thank you!

3) What would people say

I document my figure-ringgit-out journey for myself. But it would be a lie to say that I don’t expect to have some readers. Of course I do which makes me a bit concerned with people’s reception and reaction (or the lack thereof) to my posts and blog.

By the way, I want to share with you a mind-blown thing; Figuringgitout somehow already has some 400 followers on Facebook page! Fuh. 400.

And I initially thought having no one reading my blog would be a downer, but quite the opposite, I actually feel more pressure now that I have some followers.

4) That social anxiety

Do you know that I usually publish a post, share the post on Facebook and instantly close Facebook because I’m scared of the reactions? Hahahaha sorry it’s funny when I type this out, but it’s the sad truth. One thing that I underestimate was how reaching out to people, advertising and sharing my posts and responding to comments are a large part of blogging, and that makes me anxious.

5) I am a consumer, not a producer/creator

To go from an avid consumer (reading, listening and watching contents that people produce) to a creator myself (yikes) is not easy. I always have ideas on what to blog but it’s difficult to work on them. I always have these voices at the back of my mind – Blog something. Draft this. Post that. But instead of motivating me to work on my blog, those voices paralyse me. Sigh.

Tackling These Fears

I’m sorry if you’re here looking for answers to tackle your blogging fears. I don’t have the answer now, I myself am still working to get over those fears.

One thing that I know for sure is that those fears come from self-doubt. I knew in December 2019 that I wanted to do this; improving my personal finance life and documenting my journey throughout. So why am I doubting that decision now? I shouldn’t. I should just do it and embrace the fears. And stop making excuses.

So my way of tackling those fears for now is just to continue blogging. I’m going to take the ride and enjoy this process. Let’s figuringgitout.

Oh and if along the way, I go missing again, please send some reminder my way.