I remember crying in the public when my partner said “Just save your money lah!” as he didn’t understand how did I not have any savings despite the fact that I’m earning more than him. I didn’t actually blame him for that, I was questioning myself as well. Still, I was sobbing so hard while trying even harder to not make it obvious to people because I didn’t want to go viral on facebook for some false domestic violence story.
A bit of background here, he’s the only person that knows to the sen of my money issues and frustrations. I lost count of how many times he has helped me financially. He has even offered to manage my finances as he’s good with money. But I consistently refused as I know I should’ve been able to take care of my finances myself. I’m gonna keep figuringgitout. Till then, he has to deal with my occasional financial and emotional breakdowns. Well told you honey, I came with the whole package.
So why did I cry on that special afternoon? Mainly because I was already frustrated enough with my inability to save money that I didn’t need someone else, a.k.a. him, to tell me, “Just save your money lah!” You think I didn’t know ah? I know! But how?! I try ok.
This is where I think most people don’t understand:-
- Earning more doesn’t mean you can save more.
- Just because someone doesn’t have savings / saves little, doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t try.
- Your marital status may be the same as the next person, but your financial responsibility isn’t.
- Some people are just not equipped with financial awareness and literacy.
- Everyone’s behaviour and relationship with money is different.
In our case, we’re different in so many ways. His upbringing and mine are different. I have no financial awareness growing up as we don’t talk about money at home so my tendency towards making bad financial decisions is higher compared to him who’s already exposed to the basic of money literacy by his dad.
The way we value money is also different in some ways. For example, he used to question my monthly payment for gym. Granted, I did make some silly purchases but gym is not one of them. Whilst he didn’t understand why do I have to pay to sweat myself out, I’m more than glad to do so as I consider that as an investment for myself.
Same goes to our living situation. I’m living on my own and he’s still living with his parents and his workplace is just 10 minutes away from home. That’s a huge savings right there. Yes, he contributes to the household but it’s still cheaper than having to live on your own. So when he seemed to forget about that circumstances and insisted me to just save my money, I lost it.
My point is…
It’s not as simple as just save your money! It goes beyond that.
On my part, I need to acknowledge my money issues first. I can’t be saving money without first addressing and understanding my financial situation and my money behavior. I learned this the hard way by the way. So here I am, still at the phase of trying to understand my relationship with money and how to improve it. Once I figure out the way to solve my issues, I doubt just saving my money would be enough.
On his part, he needs to understand that people like me do try to improve our financial state. But as our situations are all different, our paths and pace will be different as well. He can’t pukul sama rata and just assume I simply don’t try hard enough. Sigh.
I should stop I think he gets the point already.
P/s: No relationship is impaired in the process of sharing this.
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