Almost a Decade Together, Why Are We Not Married Yet

Simply because wedding is expensive.

That should be a strong enough reason for people to not get married. Lol.

Okay, let’s be serious. Yes, we have been together for almost a decade. And yes, we’re not married yet.

Background

A little background. We’re college sweethearts, we met each other in college after SPM. So having been together this long, the questions that naturally come our way are-

“Why are you guys not married yet?“

“Is he serious with you?“

“Are you guys just fooling around?“

Geez, calm down people. We have our reasons.

1. We want to take time through each phase of life

It’s pretty normal for couples that have been together since school/university years to get married right after graduation. I think it’s because our parents always tell us – “selagi tak habis belajar, jangan berangan nak bercinta nak berkahwin“. So now dah habis belajar, kahwin it is.

I’ve seen many of my acquitances get married right after obtaining their degree’s scrolls. No judgment here, everyone’s take on life is different.

For us, we’ve agreed from early on that we’re going to get married at least 2 years after graduation. We don’t want to succumb to the societal’s expectation that after we graduate, the next course in life is to immediately get a job and get married. We want to take it slow.

2. We want to try adulting as an individual

Based on my married friends’ story, adulting together with your significant other as a married couple does sound fun.

As for us, we’re not married but we’re adulting together as well.

I learned how to live on my own and manage the household as a single lady. I dealt with cockroaches – holding out cockroach spray far from my body while preparing to jump at first sight of the little devils. I learned to unclog the toilet, fix the lamps, cook simple meals, and do chores around the house. And there are many occasions that I do all that while having him on the phone.

To be honest, I’m quite grateful that I do those without the ‘burden’ of having someone else – a husband or kids – relying on me to do those things. I do them for me.

Personal finance-wise, we learn to understand and manage our finances individually. He’s better than me in that department and he has been supporting and helping me in managing my money.

3. We want to give back to our families

This is one of our main reasons in delaying this marriage thing. We want to contribute to our families first. I mean our parents have been working hard to put us through school and university, we don’t want to jump into a marriage of our own right after university.

Again, no right or wrong here. Contribution to our family can take many different forms.

My personal take is I want my family to enjoy having me as their daughter. I want to give them my undivided attention while I still can.

4. Wedding is expensive

Wedding is damn expensive. I swear while I happily go to others’ weddings, my mind race through the money paid for everything that I see (and eat). The food, the decorations, the beautiful wedding attires, the dais, the hantaran, the hall, and everything. Kaching kaching kaching! How do people afford this?!

As we want to pay for our wedding without relying on our families, we need time to save for it. That’s why, no rush.

5. We are not ready for the commitment in marriage

My partner and I are open about this. Both of us have fears about the commitments that come with a marriage. Are we ready for it?

We were not ready.

Now?

We are (pretty kinda sorta) ready.

…..

Lol this whole post turns out to be a public announcement that we’re finally ready to get married… after almost a decade. Aha, gotcha!

All in all

It’s totally fine to not rush into marriage. Let’s get out of the mindset that we must get married soonest possible. Take your time. It doesn’t mean that you’re any less in love if you both agree to not get married early.

And to the others – stop assuming those who are not ready to get married, as not being serious or are not in love! We’re 100% in love (97.6% when he makes me mad) and we’re always sure we would do life together. We just want to do things at our own pace.

Let us be.

Any thoughts on this?

Let’s figuringgitout.